SARAH SPEAKS: LET'S TALK ABOUT SEX

/ 12:10:00 am
Some of you might already know that I put this post up sometime last week. I however took it down shortly as I felt the topic was a bit delicate and the post was missing something. 

Now after getting inspired from a thread on Twitter I decided to come back and discuss this because it has to be said. So let's talk about sex guys!


Sex is like the elephant in the room that no one wants to talk about. A lot of people seem to be engaging in sex ( willingly or unwillingly), more so than I think but no one likes to ever talk about it. There has always been a certain hush hush surrounding this particular topic.

Yes we live in an over sexualized world but the nitty gritty aspects of it are ignored. The fear I believe is that knowledge of sex will spark an increase in the practice. But with the way the world is going I can't help but think perhaps we need to get over that fear. Because there is a major problem in our society when it comes to this issue.

My heart breaks everyday when I read or hear of new cases of sexual assault, mostly on minors. A three year old rapped to death by a forty something year old and a young teenage girl gang raped, new case to case everyday. What's wrong with the world these days?

One has to wonder has the avoidance of the sex talk fixed any of the present problems? We look at the outcome rather then the cause. knowledge they say is key. If there was more talk on sex, would it prevent assault? If more young men and women were given sex education in the right context, would it make a difference. Now I'm not even talking about an in depth talk but rather a brief on the expectations of sex. A run down  basically like this "Sex is supposed to be between two consenting adults, not minors or family.
Don't you think this sort of structure would perhaps help people stand up in cases of abuse. Can you imagine someone being sexually abused for years by a relative and not saying anything? Well I feel it's probably because the standard was not set. Because a lot of victims of sexual abuse never knew they were abused until much later in life.

Growing up, the closest to sex education I ever got was my mom saying "Sarah men are bad, when they get what they want they leave so keep yourself until marriage". I remember being quite puzzled and of course uncomfortable about the topic of sex. My initial thoughts of how a woman gets pregnant is still ludicrous. I used to think that the sperm flies out and gets a woman pregnant just by the fact that they both lie in the same bed. What was I thinking lol.

We might say the sex talk encourages sex but seeing all the things happening today, is it perhaps time to reconsider? Shouldn't we consider formal sex education even in schools. Why hush something that's a part of us. Plus these days with the internet there is a lot of exposure to sex (porn), if the younger ones are not taught from home don't you think they'd find it somewhere else and God forbid even learn from bad friends? So why not work in building the right knowledge from home. Charity begins at home doesn't it.

This is a tricky topic to say the least and my intent in writing this post is not to encourage people to have sex but to encourage more of an awareness of what it entails with the intention of hoping to curb abuse/assault through more knowledge.

As a Christian my stance on sex is that one should wait till marriage. It sure isn't easy but I believe with self discipline and conscious efforts, it can be done. Now on a moral point of view, I say save it for some one worth it but what do I know. 

Should there be more talk on sex? What do you think of sex education in schools, would this help or provide an adverse effect? What are your general thoughts on this topic? 

Don't be a stranger, talk to me!
Some of you might already know that I put this post up sometime last week. I however took it down shortly as I felt the topic was a bit delicate and the post was missing something. 

Now after getting inspired from a thread on Twitter I decided to come back and discuss this because it has to be said. So let's talk about sex guys!


Sex is like the elephant in the room that no one wants to talk about. A lot of people seem to be engaging in sex ( willingly or unwillingly), more so than I think but no one likes to ever talk about it. There has always been a certain hush hush surrounding this particular topic.

Yes we live in an over sexualized world but the nitty gritty aspects of it are ignored. The fear I believe is that knowledge of sex will spark an increase in the practice. But with the way the world is going I can't help but think perhaps we need to get over that fear. Because there is a major problem in our society when it comes to this issue.

My heart breaks everyday when I read or hear of new cases of sexual assault, mostly on minors. A three year old rapped to death by a forty something year old and a young teenage girl gang raped, new case to case everyday. What's wrong with the world these days?

One has to wonder has the avoidance of the sex talk fixed any of the present problems? We look at the outcome rather then the cause. knowledge they say is key. If there was more talk on sex, would it prevent assault? If more young men and women were given sex education in the right context, would it make a difference. Now I'm not even talking about an in depth talk but rather a brief on the expectations of sex. A run down  basically like this "Sex is supposed to be between two consenting adults, not minors or family.
Don't you think this sort of structure would perhaps help people stand up in cases of abuse. Can you imagine someone being sexually abused for years by a relative and not saying anything? Well I feel it's probably because the standard was not set. Because a lot of victims of sexual abuse never knew they were abused until much later in life.

Growing up, the closest to sex education I ever got was my mom saying "Sarah men are bad, when they get what they want they leave so keep yourself until marriage". I remember being quite puzzled and of course uncomfortable about the topic of sex. My initial thoughts of how a woman gets pregnant is still ludicrous. I used to think that the sperm flies out and gets a woman pregnant just by the fact that they both lie in the same bed. What was I thinking lol.

We might say the sex talk encourages sex but seeing all the things happening today, is it perhaps time to reconsider? Shouldn't we consider formal sex education even in schools. Why hush something that's a part of us. Plus these days with the internet there is a lot of exposure to sex (porn), if the younger ones are not taught from home don't you think they'd find it somewhere else and God forbid even learn from bad friends? So why not work in building the right knowledge from home. Charity begins at home doesn't it.

This is a tricky topic to say the least and my intent in writing this post is not to encourage people to have sex but to encourage more of an awareness of what it entails with the intention of hoping to curb abuse/assault through more knowledge.

As a Christian my stance on sex is that one should wait till marriage. It sure isn't easy but I believe with self discipline and conscious efforts, it can be done. Now on a moral point of view, I say save it for some one worth it but what do I know. 

Should there be more talk on sex? What do you think of sex education in schools, would this help or provide an adverse effect? What are your general thoughts on this topic? 

Don't be a stranger, talk to me!
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Hey Beautiful people! 
Lately I've been wondering is it ever okay to quit or give up? Yes I know one should try and try and I'm the first one to preach that but is there ever a point when it's time to let go? If you follow me on Twitter, you would probably understand where I'm coming from.

As mentioned in my last post, your girl is getting older hence I've been thinking a lot about my future goals as I re-access some of my lifestyle choices. Certain things have either got to give or just go but let's save that for another day shall we? Shout to all of you who gave some awesome advice by the way, thank you.

Ankara peplum top, made in Nigeria, made in Aba, African prints, culottes
Ankara peplum top, made in Nigeria, made in Aba, African prints, culottes
Lets talk about this fit!

Ankara is so beautiful, I can't help but love my African prints. And today, taking a hint from some of my favorite blogger in this post, I decided to style this lovely Ankara peplum top from Native and Sewn, a made in Nigeria brand all the way from Aba, Abia State (Yas).

Now as much as Ankara is beautiful and so lovely when styled, finding that perfect tailor who both delivers on time  and understands you is no easy feat. We've all had our fair share of Nigerian tailor horror stories I believe, I shared some of mine here. However, the lovely people at Native and Sewn delivered with this cute Ankara peplum top.
Ankara peplum top, made in Nigeria, made in Aba, African prints, culottes
Ankara peplum top, made in Nigeria, made in Aba, African prints, culottes
Here are my thoughts:

Packing: 
Amazing job, one of the best I've seen. The top came nicely wrapped in a package in a tote bag. 

Fit: 
Perfect, too perfect even.
Thanks to less stress, more sleep and food I managed to gain weight within the time the order was placed and the time I received it. Hence this top is too fitted, it was even a struggle putting it on lol, my baby sis who helped out asked me, "what are you eating?"

Quality: 
Great, the top has been washed already and the color did not fade  
Finishing: 
So neat and professionally done, no loose threads hanging, I was impressed.

Time Frame: 
The order took about three weeks including the shipping time which is quite okay seeing the quality. Also I believe they had a little hitch along the way which was one of the reasons for the slight delay. 

Shipping: 
They ship Nationwide and Worldwide!

Bonus: 
Native and Sewn also delivers customer orders and fabrics on request. For example if you want a specific style in a certain fabric, they have got you covered. They cater to both Men and Women's wear. Great customer service too!

Price: 
A bit on the high side to be honest but they deliver so it won't be a waste.
Ankara peplum top, made in Nigeria, made in Aba, African prints, culottes
Ankara peplum top, made in Nigeria, made in Aba, African prints, culottes

In styling, I wanted a not so cliched way of rocking this top as ankara peplum tops are often styled with jeans which can be quite boring at time.  Hence I paired it with my favorite black culottes styled (here, here and here). I initially considered layering a  shirt underneath but with no room to even breath thanks to the extra weight, that was impossible. I think this would make a great work look with pumps, you ? In the future, I'd probably layer a shirt underneath or pair it with either a skater skirt or peplum hem skirt so stay tuned!
Ankara peplum top, made in Nigeria, made in Aba, African prints, culottes
Photography by Ruth Audu

Would I recommend this brand? Of course! so check them out if you're ever looking for a faithful Nigerian tailor. Plus you also get to support a "Made in Nigeria" product. 

Get the top (here, Sunglasses: Zaful (here), Shoes: Zaful (Similar)

If you're a brand and would like to work with you're girl, shoot me an email at . We can definitely work something out. 

How would you have styled this top differently? What factors do you consider when looking for a tailor? What are your thoughts on quitting, is it ever okay?

Don't be a stranger, talk to me!
 Happy new month my beautiful and ever loyal readers!
It's been quite a while guys, can't believe I have not even opened my blog for the past few days, wow. Consistency as a blogger takes a lot of planning and when one fails to plan properly, disappearing acts are bound to happen. 

And I apologize for that guys. Please stick till the end of this post for an update of new posting schedules which I will stick by, I promise!


So the other day I was thinking of rewinding the clock of life to five years ago when I was seventeen and constantly telling people I was twenty something because most people always thought I was older than I looked. Honestly, with my twenty third birthday just around the corner (September baby), I can't help but feel so old. This adult thing is really not all I was made to believe it is guys, it's hard!

At seventeen life was definitely a lot easier. All I had to do was go to university, get good grades which I did quite well and then go shopping. Now it's all so different. Recently the feeling of getting old really sunk in and I'm going to tell you why.

1. The Responsibilities 
The other day my mom listed out grocery items and simply said these are the things you'll buy once you get paid. I honestly don't know why I was surprised because my mom has been dropping hints ever since (typical Nigerian mother). I'm not sure if she's serious but we'll see. I've basically got to be responsible. No more asking for things or relying on others, one has got to get her life together.



2. The Aunty Greetings
Children now greet me with "Aunty" or "Ma" and I answer normally and even expect it. In the past this made me feel so old but now it just feels like a right of passage. Now, for my international readers, in Nigeria we generally greet our elders either with  "Aunty" or "Ma", it's a sign of respect actually.

3. The Marriage Talk
And can we talk about Marriage, dating and relationships especially in this part of the world. Every where I turn, all I hear is marriage. Everybody is just out there getting married and having babies which is great actually. People are either advising me to get married rather than pursue my graduate studies or people are asking me "what are you waiting for" when I say I'm not ready for marriage.

 The pressure hasn't gotten to me yet. Marriage is definitely in the plan but not for now. I just have to deal with people and of course mom who has been dropping hints. In the meantime, I'll just keep praying for future hubby, God's will for my life and life partner basically.

It's funny to think I was in such a hurry to grow up when I was younger but now I've realized they lied to us! As I said in my Sarah Speaks I wasn't really missing out on anything spectacular in adulthood.

Photography by Beniboba

Now onto the outfit. These pictures were taken last year towards the end of my service year in Calabar. I actually made the pencil skirt and Ankara vest during my sewing days which I can't wait to get back to. The skirt wasn't perfect as you can see but I was so proud because it was my first DIY sewing project. The Ankara vest which I did a better job at was styled here in my collab with Alma. 

How do you all deal with getting older? Can you relate with some of my reasons? What makes you feel old? How do you all deal with the pressures of marriage? Any funny stories about your Nigerian or African mothers? I'd love to know guys!

And before I forget, new posts will now drop 2-3 times a week on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. Also Sarah Speaks will now fall randomly during the week as it's slowly becoming a favorite.

Don't be a stranger, talk to me!
Can I tell you a secret? I'm in love you see and guess who it is? Me, yes me, I fell in love with myself.


I'd say it was a slow journey to self discovery. I probably wasn't always this confident or had this much faith in myself. But the day I stopped comparing myself and stopped living life seeking validation from others, that was the day everything changed. I guess I've always been confident to an extent but this is different.

In our world today, it's easy to compare and get lost in that trap. It's easy to forget ones worth but it's so important. This week I kept hearing the topic of self love everywhere. Falling in love with oneself is so important. You can't really love others if you don't love yourself first. When you know your worth and just how awesome you are it shows. You don't look to others to define your worth and you definitely set high standards and don't take anything less. Its not necessarily pride but confidence and assurance in who you are. It's that feeling of "hey you, I'm awesome so you better treat me right".

So when you stare in the mirror, what do you see? Do you see just how beautiful you are? Do you even know it? What if I told you that the nose you hated so much, some people are desperately praying for. Maybe you feel you're not good enough and don't deserve happiness, well you're wrong. I wish you knew just how special you are, just how loved and unique you are. I hope you'd fall in love with yourself, more so everyday too.

Because no one on earth can be you and hey have you forgotten God created you in his image and likeness. God can't create something ugly, I mean have you seen the clouds, hills and plains. How much more you. Even more amazing is that even with all our faults Jesus loved us enough to send his son who laid down his life for us. Never ever feel you're not good enough. If someone so perfect loved you that much, why can't you?

I wish you'd fall in love with you, so you'd see just how amazing you are, because you are, never forget or question that.

What step did you take to self love? Have you fallen in love with you? 

Don't be a stranger, talk to me!
You've got to love our African Ankara prints. So much color, patterns and fun, fun! 
 Jennifer Amani

Hey Beautiful people! How's everybody doing?


Am I the only one who saves tones of ankara styles for when next I go to the tailors? Well, I love my ankara prints and would have so much more in my collection, if not for unfaithful tailors (I'm sure we all have our share of horrific Nigerian tailor stories). However, my blogger gals have been rocking those prints, I just had to share. So here's five ankara styles to try on your next trip to the tailors.


*Click under the pictures to access each bloggers site.

Related: 5 Ankara Styles to Rock


1. The jumpsuit

You all now I'm a huge advocate of one piece sets due to versatility but after much thought, a jumpsuit with our lovely African prints would just pop. I love how the bloggers below each incorporated a mix of two different patterns in their fits, I've got to try this some day. 


2. A Cute Dress
When it comes to dresses the options are endless! One could opt for a shift dress like Cassie. You could rock the ever trending off-shoulder dress with detachable sleeves just like Larissa and her friend. Or a flared sleeve off shoulder skater dress option like Alma. And can we talk about wrap dresses! They are so flattering on all body types, you just have to find what works best for you. While Jennifer opted for a skater fit in her wrap dress, Chinju went for a more fitted look. Also, let us not forget the beauty of mixed prints like Agatha showed us or the beauty in simplicity as Alexandriah rocked a basic pencil dress with an English twist. 


3. The Co-ord Set
I love the idea of a coordinated set because it's so versatile. One could pair both pieces separately and they offer double print overdose which is perfect. Tuke's ankara jacket and skater skirt have got me feeling so inspired, never thought of using ankara like this. Also Larissa, nailed it with those bell buttom trousers and a flared sleeve crop top. Let's also not forget how Larissa rocked a kimono and high waist shorts set. I may not be a fan of shorts but I'm sold with this look. I'm so excited because I've got the connect to her tailor! Also Tee gives us more inspiration in an off shoulder top and flared skirt and a bell sleeve set as well, she knows her stuff guys.


The Jacket
A good jacket can instantly transform one's entire look. I just love how Agatha's bomber jacket spiced up the basic denim and white t-shirt pairing. Also, Jennifer, who is the queen of ankara prints, nailed it with that bell sleeve jacket paired over a white jumpsuit. It doesn't get more classic than that. You guys should check her out for more ankara looks.

 Jennifer Amani

5. The Wrap Blouse

Last but not the least is a simple wrap blouse. I've seen this in various other prints and the idea of trying this trend with African prints is so much more fun. A nice statement sleeve like the bell sleeve or flared sleeve would instantly add more drama to a wrap blouse. 


Who else feels like running to the market to stock up on anakra fabrics after seeing this post? I can't wait for my next trip to my tailors? What's your favorite look? How will you be rocking your ankara fabrics?

Looking for more ankara inspiration? Check out how I rocked mine in the past!

*The Perfect Ankara Print Combination
*Ankara Flared Sleeve Dress
*DIY African Print Skater Skirt
Ankara Co-ord Set

Don't be a stranger, talk to me!
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