SARAH SPEAKS: NO MEANS NO BUT...

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Hey guys so can we talk about something?
While I was away, the internet was buzzing with the “no means no campaign following the behaviour of a contestant on one of Nigeria’s hottest TV shows.

Now for my foreign readers, the show is called Big Brother Nigeria and this recent development brought major scrutiny to the show. I actually don’t watch the show as growing up the TV channel was always banned in my house. And then once I got older and was informed of the basic idea of the show my first thought was ''Are you serious? So people actually sit down to watch this on TV?"

Watch what you might ask? Well in my opinion and based on what I’ve heard, the show basically involves adults misbehaving for the sole purpose of entertainment and eventually money.
Now this post is not about the show but about the issue of consent raised during the course of the show. Apparently one of the female contestants was fondled by another male contestant without her consent as she was apparently sleeping. The truth came out once the footage was released and the male contestant was eliminated.

It is unfortunate that in this day and age, consent is still a foreign concept. The interesting and shocking aspect of this entire showdown for me was what various people had to say on this matter. The advent of social/ digital media has really given us a peek into the minds of others.

The above scenarios, I’m sure is just a snippet of what goes on a daily basis in this part of the world. Women or men are sometimes abused and raped without consent. In most rape cases we've seen that the most common question asked of the females is "why were you in his place" or "why did you dress seductively?" Rather than the question of "where is your self-control" or "why did you force yourself on him or her".

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This brings me to my next point, ladies please be aware of the people and places that you hang around and how you dress. Now, I am not saying it’s the woman’s fault for how she dresses or where she goes, but we don’t live in a perfect world. In a perfect world, a woman could walk around naked and nothing would happen but that’s not the case here. And again, I’m not saying our mode of dressing offers security as I’ve heard of cases of fully clothed women who were abused and raped. And sometimes even from close family and friends.

 I’m not even encouraging the abusers, who must learn the concept of self-control but please let us learn to pay more attention and be cautious.

It’s sad really, the society we live in today. However, as enlightened human beings we must continually speak up. We must continually let people know that “no means no.” If the person is not feeling it they are not feeling it!

What are your thoughts on this matter? Does no, always mean no? In your opinion, what other factors come into play in the issue of consent?

Talk to me on

12 comments:

  1. No definitely means no and I think there isn't any explanation need after a no. Now about the big brother incident I believe biggie's move to eliminate the guy was a good start. But not enough. Is the guy being legally charged with anything?

    http://deffinatlyshaz.co.zw

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    1. I agree hun, there should be no explanation indeed. As for if the guy is being charged, I honestly don't know because as mentioned above, I don't exactly watch the show. Thanks for stopping by.

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  2. It's wonderful that you're speaking out about this. It was really a learning experience. There was even "but she allowed someone else" and "they should have just evicted him instead of disqualifying". I also didn't realise how foreign the concept of consent is in Nigeria. It was necessary to evict him if only to educate this group. I completely understand your point. Considering that people think like this and justice is hardly assured in this country, women should be cautious until we live in a kinder society.

    www.adabeauty.com.ng

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    1. Exactly girl, we have to protect ourselves seeing as the government can not really as this is a social thing that has to do with the mindset. So we must help ourselves and it really is unfortunate the blaim game that goes on in all of this.

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  3. This is a really serious issue and it's good you are addressing it. I've actually found my self in situations where your "NO" is never taken seriously because some believe you are asking for it or you are simply playing hard to get. I hope we all keep ourselves enlightened and safe till God gets rid of the terrible people in this world. AMEN!!!

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    1. Yes hun, we must contiually talk about this and hope we can take a step further to change a mindset. And I can totally relate, especially this whole annoying persistence with random Nigerian guys on the streets. The sad thing is these terrible people will be here to the end of time. But the Lord will deliver us from them and expose as many that are guilty. AMEN

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  4. No means no. If I did not consent you to touch me I simply do not allow you to do so.

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  5. I have been so baffled by the kinds of Nigerians said about this issue, and continue to say. There is NEVER an excuse for rape - none whatsoever.

    Berry Dakara Blog

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    1. It baffles me too Berry and there is definitely no excuse. We've come a long way but we have to keep pushing for a contious change of mindset.

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  6. so glad you're voicing your opinion about this. unfortunately this is true that women are not taken seriously with these things to a point that they even get blamed for being victimized. ugh. Agree with you, No is No.

    Cheers,
    Carla
    www.carlaviolet.com

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    1. Ugh indeed Carla, you can imagine a case of a abuse where the victim is blaimed rather than the abuser. We are indeed in sad times.

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