How to Overcome Sexual Temptation in Christian Dating: 6 Tips

This post has been sitting in my drafts for over a week now and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because of the delicate nature of this topic. However, I've been nudged to get this out so let's begin.

As Christians, our bible tells us that sex outside the confines of marriage is wrong and thus sin/fornication (1Thessalonians 4:3-5). I know! It sounds a lot more serious when sex is referred to as fornication right! That's because it is. I know the world tries to make it seem normal after all everyone is doing it but in the words of my pastor "Sin is still sin, SIN, sin".  Even our convictions, conscience prick us and tell us so.

So how does one overcome the temptation to have sex before marriage when pursuing a godly relationship?

First things first, having such desires are normal, God created us that way so we can be fruitful and multiply, literally. I believe it's even more difficult especially if you've crossed that line before. Now I am not perfect. I have my own struggles but I believe having a relationship free from sexual sin that honors God, is possible. Now it won't be easy but it is possible.

How do we do it?

1. Have an agreement

You, first of all, must both agree. There are two people in the relationship. You can't do this if both of you are not on the same page,  (Amos 3:3). In fact, it is possible to be in a relationship with a Christian and still be pressured into this. If you find yourself in such, run!

2. Know your limits
Everyone is different in the sense that different things will make one fall or be tempted. Truth is sex doesn't just happen. There are signs, other things that precede it. You might have to avoid certain things (e.g. kissing) but others might be able to do it and still be fine. The key thing is to know your limits.

3. Enforce boundaries/ be intentional 
Avoid things that will lead to desire or temptation. You might need to stop spending too much time together alone behind closed doors because stuff happens. Avoid unnecessary physical contact, this is important. Yes I know that you are strong, spirit-filled, tongue talking but you honestly aren't as strong as you think. The spirit may be willing but the flesh is weak. The goal again is not to see how close you can get to the fire before getting burned but to avoid lighting the matches that can start the fire. Check out this video for more on this topic

I came across a post by Ijeoma Kola where she shared boundaries she employed in maintaining a godly relationship with her partner before marriage. Although her circumstances were peculiar, I thought it mention-worthy as she raised some points that are quite relevant to this post. Have a read here

4. Pray and Pray

We can't do it alone that is why we talk to God and ask him for strength to overcome and wisdom too. The holy spirit gives us the strength to do God's will and turn from temptation.

 "This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe" (Romans 3:22a)

5. Build your spirit man

Again related to the above point but the more you spend time doing things that will bring you closer to God the less the desire will be to affect your relationship or sin. Also, the more distracted you are with such things, the less time or desire you will have to sin.

6. Guard your heart and mind

You have to be mindful of the things you watch and listen too. You might want to stay away from anything related to sex, talking about it, certain discussions, films, TV shows, music videos. Watch what you allow your mind and heart to dwell on. 

"And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise"(Philippians 4:8 NLT)

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." (Prov 4:23 NIV)

So what happens if you fall?

1. It's possible to fall, stuff happens, we are not perfect. Thank God for grace, we don't take advantage of it but it's always available. Just ask God for forgiveness, confess and work towards being pure. Set up better boundaries!

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9)

2. Don't let sin or guilt take you away from God, DON'T. He takes us as we are, no matter what we do. In fact, there is nothing we can do that can ever separate us from his love. Go to him for strength, he will strengthen you. 

"And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow, not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love." (Romans 8:38-39)

3. If you think you can't do it, remember God has given us the spirit of self-control and our faith in him has as well given us the power to do his will, you've got this!

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentlenesses, and self-control." (Galatians 5:22)

"No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it." (1 Corinthians 10:13)

What are your thoughts on this? Any tips on how to overcome? Let's talk. If you found this post helpful please share it with a friend or your siblings. Let's help ourselves to serve God better.

Check out some resources I found helpful and relevant to this as well. 

Lay with 🔥Fire🔥- Michael Todd talks about Sex and Dating


  1. This is a blessing. Thanks for heeding the leading of the Spirit Sarah, this post might be for just me lol

    1. All glory to him Sike. Thanks for sharing lol, you know what to do. I appreciate you commenting more than you know.

  2. This is a great post. I enjoyed reading it.

  3. I tried this once and failed woefully. Reading this post sort of made me realise that I didn't prepare well for it. Thank you for sharing this Sarah, I'll definitely share with my circle because I know they will find this very helpful.

    1. Thanks for reading gift. The thing about abstinence is that one has to be intentional, it's not easy but thank God for grace. I pray that God gives us strength as we work to serve him through our relationships.

  4. This is such a blessing thanks alot

  5. This is such an insightful read Sarah and truth is temptation abounds , one just needs to manage /avoid it intentionally....
    May God help us all to live a life pleasing unto him....

    1. Rightly said, temptation will be there but one has to be intentional. May he help us indeed. Thank you for reading

  6. Beautiful posts and nice tips as usual!

  7. I'm glad I read this today, thank you Sarah for sharing.

  8. This was a great read, it isn’t easy but with discipline it is achievable.. thanks for sharing

    1. It really isn't but it can be done. Thanks for reading and commenting.

  9. My dear, this topic cannot even be over-emphasized. The rate of sexual sin among Christians is quite alarming and more so how it is being normalized in the world and our society. I'm glad people are speaking up and shedding more light on this subject, hopefully many lives will be touched through posts like yours.

  10. This is so helpful.
    Thank you Sarah!